Can't move on...

So lately I've been getting rejected a lot, by the same person too. I've also gotten in a recent fight with a friend of mine. I don't feel any sympathy, because he should realize that he can't just forget about what I've done and not do anything in return. I'm tired of being replaced with all his "best friends." Yes, your probably reading this right now, but I don't care. But honestly, you have been talking to other people way more, and I'm not saying that like I should be the only person you have to talk to. I don't care if you talk to other people more than me, but it's like you don't even talk to me at all..I always have to be the one making the conversation. You ask me how I know that you do and have all these people- It's cause they tell me! They always send me your little conversation, or tell me "Oh I'm his new best friend." blah blah blah. I don't want to be hearing that from every person I talk to. I'm not like saying you can't have any other friends, but you don't have all my friends talking to you saying that shit..I remember you mentioning my friend Calvin..He happens to be the person I've been talking to lately, since you haven't really been there. Theres still stuff that I don't tell him, and that your the only one that knows about some secrets, but he's earning up to it.. Yes you actually have been asking to tell you stuff, but it's not like I can just trust you automatically. You gotta earn it like you did in the beginning...You have new friends, and sometimes I feel like you just tell all of them what I tell you. The reason why I'm always getting mad about that certain person, is cause I get jealous easily of her..I told you a while back that I liked you, but didn't know why and you ignored it which totally hurt. Yeah, I know you like her, but you could've just said I don't see you in that way, anymore..Being rejected hurts, and I don't know if I can forgive you for that. Each and everyday now too, you always tell me that you like this girl, or have a little crush on her. You really think I want to know about how much you like her and not me? WOW -.- This sounds weird coming out from me, I know..but yes, I do still like you..it's like an on and off thing...But in order for me to stop, I think me and you just need some space. I can't really have you in my life right now. I need to move on, but it's hard..I didn't mean the things I said to you when we fought. The thing about me not wanting to be your friend anymore, of course I want to be your friend..just not at the moment..Thanks for being a good friend..when you were actually trying....
-the cool kid

Way to begin the Summer

Beginning of summer already! Freshman year did go by pretty fast..I don't want to grow any older :/ Finals were pretty easy, hopefully I did good on all of them!
So once again, I kind of like someone..not really..it's "complicated." I can't tell if I like this person or another person. But the other person seems like he doesn't like me, like he doesn't even want to talk to me. I text him a lot now, but..sometimes he never responds, or always gives short answers which annoys me so much! Or he'll do the "..." at the end of ever lil' message! But I guess I should just stick with the other guy who does kind of like me...It's weird though, cause Julia brought up that if I ever do get with him, it won't be as fun as the other person..it'll be completly different, which is probably true. I don't even want to talk to him anymore, but I can't not talk to him..I like talking to him, a lot. It was kind of crazy, because we didn't talk for like two whole days D: I don't want to be like the girl in "He's just not that into you" and be desperate for this guy..ugh! I'll just wait for him to say something? I noticed that I'm always the one saying something first, why can't he do it for once..? :/ I'm starting to give up on even being his friend..gahh
I went to a party last night with Julia, it ended up being pretty boring. We left after a few hours and went to Jessica's moms house for some food. Then went to Quest Learning Center to use the phone since my phone was running out of battery! Chilled with my drum teacher for a little bit :)
I'm going to the movies on Monday, I don't even want to plan anything this summer with anyone..I'll let them plan -.- I always always always plan everything, and I'm starting to get tired of it..fuck my life!!!
-The Cool Kid

No worries?

Damn, it's been a while since I posted a blog..The past few weeks haven't been going too well, but I'm trying to "STAND STRONG." I've been feeling all depressed for a reason that shouldn't be bothering me. I should be over the fact that nothing else good will happen in my "fantastic life..." I don't always get what I want, which is probably a good thing.. I've noticed that I've been extremely rude to my mom over the past few months, and I want to try and make it up to her this summer. Everything she's done for me- A.K.A. spoiling me to death- has made me more and more of a bitch to her. I don't think I deserve all the glamorous gifts she's given me. But I love her more than anything for providing me with everything I need, such as my great education at MaterDei. Yes, she can be a real pain in the ass when it comes to me going out with my friends, but that's because she's trying to teach me how to put important things first than going out and always having fun. I haven't been putting my priorities first lately, which is probably why my math grade has been lowering. Now that I'm finally noticing that I need to get my act straight, I've been doing better and better slowly but surely. I feel more organized after talking to my counciler about what's been going on. On top of everything, my Nana Rosie has been in the hospital for something that could kill her because of how old she is- she has fluid in her lungs. When I went to visit her, I got really emotional because she had been bringing up things that had happened in the past. I know I haven't really been visiting her, but once she's gone, she's gone. I've been trying to visit her a lot lately, because I'll really miss her when she goes up with God. I want to be as good of person as her.
I'm starting to lose a friend of mine that I love, but I can't do anything about it cause it's their decision if they still want to be my friend..not mine. I've been writing songs lately to kind of let my feeling out, instead of holding everything inside. That's one thing that my brother taught me, is to never keep things inside, because it'll just build up. He's also been going through a lot lately, involving his ex-girlfriend, Jayme. I guess you can call it love, if they still talk. They broke up two years ago...Hopefully everything goes well this summer, I'm praying to God...